| You: |
Hi
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| You: |
Who is this?
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| Stranger: |
If I told you this was god
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| Stranger: |
would you believe me?
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| You: |
Probibly
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| Stranger: |
This is god
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| Stranger: |
whats up??
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| You: |
Nice to meet you
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| Stranger: |
hows earth doing
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| You: |
You would know. Being god and all.
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| Stranger: |
i know it's been a while but, i'll be back
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| Stranger: |
I sorta took vacation
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| You: |
What do you mean Back?
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| You: |
How can god take a vacation? You cant exacly go to hell
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| Stranger: |
eh, hells a little too warm for me anyways
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| Stranger: |
dude space is pretty cool
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| Stranger: |
you should come out here some time
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| You: |
You know, I would love to come and visit you but... I sorta have this problem
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| Stranger: |
what doth trouble you?
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| You: |
Well, I'm a Rhinocerus.
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| You: |
And I dont think they allow us to go to space.
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| Stranger: |
oh.. yikes... thats rough
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| You: |
Yeah, tell me about it
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| Stranger: |
Well, take action! Demand it
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| Stranger: |
demand a change
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| You: |
How? I dont speak people language!!
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| Stranger: |
I heard a black man is president in the US... see?? Anything can happen!
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| You: |
So what? Thats like saying a horse can have sex with a donkey and make a baby called a mule, its easy because its sort of the same family
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| Stranger: |
Can you write?
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| You: |
How the fuck can I write? I dont have any fucking opposable thumbs! :(
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| Stranger: |
hey, elephants are doing pretty good
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| Stranger: |
so I fucked up not giving rhinos thumbs
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| Stranger: |
is baby gonna cry?
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| You: |
Yeah, everyone likes elephants,
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| Stranger: |
jesus christ man I can't give every species what they want.. that'd just be.. rediculous
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| You: |
Fuck you god. And i have a question for you
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| Stranger: |
What
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| Stranger: |
what now
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| You: |
Whats with this fucking horn at the top of my head? Seriously, there is NO USE for it! Its too high up to skew marshmellows, and its like 20000000pounds!
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| You: |
I mean, Fuck?!
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| Stranger: |
...well.. what? I thought it would be pretty cool for.. i dont know.. stabbing things
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| You: |
What can I stab thats that high? Its so heavy I cant jump and stab birds, and its too high so I cant stap things i dont like
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| Stranger: |
dont tell me you haven't stabbed a poacher yet?... Thats sorta why I gave it to you.. to stab poachers
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| You: |
I mean jesus christ, cant I exchange it for some opposable thumbs?!
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| You: |
A poacher? Umm... why would I want to do that?
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| You: |
Rhinos are vegetarians, we eat leaves.
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| Stranger: |
...sorry man, it's kinda too late for changes now... Stupid ass Darwin had to go and invent natural selection.. that bitch I can't change things instantly anymore
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| Stranger: |
Well... you either.. get poached.. or you dont
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| You: |
He didnt invent natural selection, he invented the theory. You can still help me!
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| You: |
Ugh..
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| Stranger: |
I'd think if you had opposable thumbs.. those poachers would just.. rape you
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| You: |
Lol, yeah, i guess...
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| You: |
Omg! Hey god! I made a rhyme for you!
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| You: |
Can I read it to you?
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| Stranger: |
....you know I've got.. a lot to do
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| Stranger: |
I'm kinda busy
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| Stranger: |
all these people
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| Stranger: |
prayin.. n' shit
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| You: |
Too bad. Your omnipotent so you can do as much as you like when ever you like!
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| Stranger: |
thats a myth
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| You: |
no, its not.
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| You: |
Come on, its like 4 lines long
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| Stranger: |
how the hell do you know
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| Stranger: |
i'm god
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| Stranger: |
I know everything
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| You: |
Fine then, whats my rhyme?
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| Stranger: |
I don't recall... I only remember important things
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| You: |
Liar!
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| You: |
Ok, just let me say it
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| You: |
Heres my rhyme:
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| Stranger: |
fuckin- a
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| You: |
If omniscient god,
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| You: |
who knows the future find,
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| You: |
the omnipotence to,
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| You: |
change his future mind.
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| Stranger: |
you know I thought I invented everything... but a rhyming rhino... I didn't do that.. what the fuck happend
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| You: |
Yeah, I'm probably some mutant offspring, maybe my mother stabbed me accidentally with her fucking non-useful horn on her head?! Huh?!
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| You: |
Do you like it? I wrote it myself, well, not really, since I have no fucking thumbs which we discovered earlier
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| Stranger: |
you know
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| Stranger: |
that wasn't bad
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| You: |
Aww, really? Thank you! ^_^
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| Stranger: |
but dont quit your day job... which is lying in dirt eating... dirt
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| You: |
Ugh, you know that is actually hard work
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| You: |
And we cant get our horns dirty when we lie in dirt since, well, you know, we would drown if we tried to wash it off.
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| Stranger: |
dont worry there'll be a reason for that
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| Stranger: |
some day
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| Stranger: |
I just haven't figured things out yet
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| You: |
Oh really?
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| Stranger: |
kinda why i took the vacation
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| You: |
Thats good, get everything prioritised and sorted out
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| Stranger: |
yeah
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| Stranger: |
because everytime I come back
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| Stranger: |
i get some fucking rhino asking for thumbs
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| You: |
Fuck you! You took away my thumbs and gave me a fucking horn!?!?!? How would you feel if that happened to you?
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| Stranger: |
WELL FOR ONE I wouldn't be bitching to god about it
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| Stranger: |
and I'd be out fucking stabbing things
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| Stranger: |
like stumps and shit I dont care
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| Stranger: |
I GUESS I DIDNT GIVE YOU LITTLE WHINEY BITCHES A BIG ENOUGH BRAIN TO FIGURE THAT OUT
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| Stranger: |
and last time, some punk ass bitch whale wanted wings... WINGS! what the fuck is a whale going to do with wings under water
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| You: |
Well it was your fault for making them so god damn obese
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| You: |
HOW CAN I STAB A FUCKING STUMP? MY HORN IS 20 METRES IN THE AIR!
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| You: |
If an 8 foot man stands on his tippie toes with his hand in the air, I could try to stap his hand
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| You: |
but then again, rhinos cant jump. Good one, genius.
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| Stranger: |
you know what
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| Stranger: |
I dont need this shit
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| Stranger: |
i'm taking another vacation
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| You: |
Fuck you. Couldn't you just put a brain in that big usless fucking horn of mine?
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| You: |
Dont! Fix us first! God dammit!~
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| You: |
You cant run from your fucking problems! You need to fix them!
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| Stranger: |
Oh I'll damn it alright.. I'll damn it up your ass
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| Stranger: |
how would you like that huh?
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| Stranger: |
your horn up your ass... Try walking around in the dirt all day with that
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| You: |
:( That hurt my feelings.
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| Stranger: |
oh .. listen
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| Stranger: |
im sorry
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| Stranger: |
you know what
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| Stranger: |
I could of sworn I gave you guys thumbs
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| You: |
:O Really?
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| Stranger: |
that bitch Noah must have taken the two mutants on his shit ship
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| You: |
Oh my God that Fucking Noah!
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| Stranger: |
Yeah man
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| You: |
Thats it. I'm going to build a time machine to go back in time and whip his ass.
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| Stranger: |
That's probably a good idea... hey dont go back too far though... I had some embarrasing "teen" years I'd rather... no one find out about
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| You: |
Let me just get a pen and paper and write out some blueprints.... Oh thats right.... I CANT! Thanks for the non-existant thumbs, Asswipe. |
